


Hate You Always

by viridianmasquerade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Romance, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Fluff, Passive-aggression, black fluff, kismesitude by way of aggressive gift-giving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 10:24:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1262782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viridianmasquerade/pseuds/viridianmasquerade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Black romance isn't all about bite-marks and bruises. Killing with kindness is just as infuriating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate You Always

Vriska wrinkled her nose suspiciously at the gift box that had been left in front of her hive. Obviously it was from Eridan, as he occupied her only filled quadrant, but what? And why? She toed it gently, and when it did not explode, she opened it with care.

She didn't recognize the contents at first - a pile of fabric? But when she pulled it all out, she realized it was a replica of Mindfang's costume. Eridan had had a replica of Mindfang's costume made for her! He had probably commissioned a replica of Dualscar's armor, she thought excitedly. She was always saying they should bring their FLARP game to the next level and this was exactly the kind of thing she had been talking about.

When she put it on, she realized it was tailored to her measurements exactly. She skipped around her respiteblock for twenty minutes, grinning like a fool and dreaming of stomping Eridan's FLARP fleet into the ground in a proper Mindfang outfit. 

It was a wonderful fantasy, until every inch of her started to itch.

Shrieking, she flung the costume off. Only then did she find Eridan's note, which she had missed in her haste.

wwas thinkin of you vvris  
an how much of a rotten bitch you alwways are  
so i thought id get you somethin to remind you of howw you make me feel  
fuckin pissed off  
hate you alwways  
eridan

Pissed off? Please. It'd take more than that to get under her skin, she thought, scrubbing fiercely under the harsh spray of her shower, trying to get the itch off. She could one-up that without even trying.  
\-----  
Eridan strode out of his hive, all geared up for a long day of slaughtering lusii and plotting against landdwellers, and fell-face first over a heavy box on his doorstep. Snarling, he dusted himself off, glancing around to make sure no one had seen. When he was certain he was alone, he picked up the box. It was long, and heavy, and wrapped with a cerulean ribbon. He tore it open, scowling, half-expecting a trap: but no, it was much worse.

I thought your gun (if you can even call it that!) could use an upd8. May8e now you'll 8e a8le to hit something smaller than the 8road side of a moo8easthive. It's no legendary rifle 8ut until you find one it'll have to do!  
Hate you always,  
Vriska :::;)

There was, in fact, a gun inside; all sleek and sweet in a matte charcoal alloy, practically purring at him. He wanted to break it over his knee. Instead, he slung it up on his shoulder and sighted along the scope, fired a shot, and fell spitefully in love. The first thing he was going to do with it, he decided, was shoot Vriska's little bathtub of a boat full of holes.  
\-----  
There was a brand-new ship anchored in Vriska's personal, private harbour. Just the very fact that it was there made her upset! She'd thought the little inlet was so well-hidden behind all that spiderweb she'd had her lusus spin up just for her, but apparently not.

The ship had tall masts and wide cobalt sails and an intricately-carved spider for a figurehead. It was enormous. It was magnificent. It was a mighty galley fit for the mightiest of pirate queens and Vriska hated it on sight. The ship had a note pinned to the bow.

bought you a neww ship  
cant fuckin wwait to send it to the bottom of the sea with the last one  
thanks again for the new gun  
hate you alwways  
eridan

Vriska ground her sharp teeth and shredded the note, stamping angrily on the pieces. How dare he buy her such a perfect ship! He was going to pay for this one, but how? She thought about sinking the damn thing in the bay out of sheer spite, but no. Her eyes widened, grin following. She was going to do much better.  
\-----  
Eridan leapt off Seahorsedad's back and gaped in disbelief at the state of his hive.

It was gone.

Marooned on the rocks where his beloved shipwreck home had been was a much larger ship. A magnificent ship. A ship he recognized, in fact, even though it had been painted over in teal and purple, stripped of its sails and thoroughly wrecked. It was the very same one he had so recently given to Vriska. There was a note, of course, nailed to the door.

Couldn't dream of letting you live in squalor in that tiny little 8athtu8 of a 8oat for a home when you were generous enough to 8uy me such a pretty ship! So I decided to do you a good turn and give it 8ack, only 8etter, of course.   
Hate you always,  
Vriska :::;)  
PS. I deep-sixed your old place since I didn't think you'd need it anymore. It's shark 88 now! 8est luck getting it back.

Seething, Eridan decided to do just that. Squalor, eh? Like he wasn't the highest of noble seadweller blood? He'd show her good and proper.  
\-----  
Vriska awoke to a strange golden light gleaming through her respiteblock window. At first, she thought she'd woken too early and caught the last of the daylight, but no, it was clearly nighttime. So what the hell could it be?

She looked out the window into the face of a giant golden statue of Eridan, its gem-encrusted surface gleaming obnoxiously in the glare of a dozen mounted spotlights. Rolling her eyes, she slammed her curtains shut. If he wanted to waste all his treasure on that, that was his problem. She'd just have it cut up and add it to her hoard. What a bounty! He'd actually done her a favor, even if he was too dumb to realize. 

She wandered downstairs, already working out how to dismantle it, and found a note speared on the tip of his old rifle, buried standing upwards in the sand. Nice touch, she thought, with a spiteful admiration.

wwanted to get you somethin so youd nevver forget me  
but since you sunk all my treasure to the bottom of the fuckin ocean  
i had to improvvise a little  
hate you alwways  
eridan  
ps i didnt use the wwhole hoard for the statue dont wworry

The hoard? Did he mean her hoard? What had he done with her hoard?

She bolted to the basement, footsteps echoing ominously as she clattered down the stairs. Her hoard had been raided. Empty. He'd stolen everything, down to the very last gold coin! The only thing left in the room was a second note. Of course.

took the rest to replace wwhat you sank  
i knoww you wwouldnt wwant me to livve lowwer than my station  
so i figured youd be okay wwith it  
hate you alwways  
eridan

Ohh, she was so angry! As soon as she had enough treasure to buy a new boat, she was going to sail it right up to his hive and set it on fire. Fortunately, she had a whole hoard of secret treasure maps he hadn't known about stashed away in her respiteblock. If she spent all of today raiding, she was sure she could find something valuable enough to trade for a ship.

In fact, today was the perfect day to investigate the clues in Mindfang's old journal. She'd been saving them for just the right time, and Eridan's raid was just the excuse she'd been waiting for. She smiled and headed back upstairs to get the journal. It was a good thing she had a kismesis like Eridan to keep her motivated. Today was going to be a very lucky day. 

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt post I made was looking for fluff prompts, and a user asked for "eridan and vriska black". Well, I'd never written black fluff before, and it was just as fun as I hoped it would be.


End file.
